Thinking

I think too much. I've been in a thinking mood the last few weeks ... oh, maybe even a few months. Too much thinking and not enough action.

I'm now thinking about running for an elected office in Rutherford County. I have thought of this before, and got the distinct impression in prayer that I should do it, and then chickened out. I don't know if I will have a chance to make it a reality but Jim and James were both very supportive. (The girls had gone to bed by the time I brought it up.)

I simply think about all the mistakes I have made in my entire life and think "Why would anyone want to vote for me?" Well, I guess it's not the winning that is important, but the running ... the opportunity to share my ideas with others.

So, I will keep the unknown world posted on the developments in this area.

My Hurting Heart -- and Cleaning Silver

It still hurts a bit. Not as bad as yesterday. I must have been having an anxiety attack ... not really sure because I've never really had one ... because my chest and face and mind was just on fire. I couldn't breath sometimes and I just wanted to punch someone in the face! I don't think it was a real heart attack, but it was scary.

I wanted to re-write my "Things To Do" for 2010 ... for I think the 3rd time, isn't it almost March? ... but I couldn't find the little book I had it written in. That's frustrating. And then I remembered that this happened to me once before ... about three or four months before I joined the church. I looked and looked for my Franklin planner (it was only Franklin then, Covey had just started) and I was going to do my mission, vision, whatever-the-heck-it-was stuff. I guess the Lord had some different ideas about what my mission and vision needed to be! Hmm, I wonder if He still has some different ideas from mine?

So, I brainstormed all the things that were running through my mind, the things I have to do, but don't have the time to do. It was interesting, in that heightened and confused state, that as I wrote, some of the items made my anxiety increase ... ah, those are the things that I really need to look at, change, eliminate? And then I realized that in some cases it wasn't eliminating them at all!

And it comes down to time ... the wasting, hoarding, and bestowing freely of time ... I realized this morning in my prayers that as God gives us another day, He is investing His time in us. We are His greatest treasures, so He allows us to get tarnished a bit by the world, like a fine piece of silver. Then He rubs us and shines us and polishes us. We can fight against it, but it's really useless. It will happen whether while sitting in a cupped hand by the maticulous rubbing of cloth within all our intricate features or burned off in a chemical bath.

So, now that I almost get it ... will I actually do something about it? My plan is to take my list and decide if I'm wasting, hoarding, or bestowing freely. I also made a huge sign that is sitting right by my desk at work, and I'm going to print some for home. But I'll talk about that tomorrow.

Oh, and just as a point of reference ... I don't clean silver! ;-)

Great Whales and What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

Man, did I hit the snooze alot this morning. Almost didn't have any time to do small and simple things.

I had wanted to do some exercise from the On Demand feature on my TV, even picked one out last night that I wanted to use. Isn't it amazing, however, that while we cannot find our keys in our purse, no matter how small the purse or how large the keys/key ring, we can find a tiny little snooze button, three feet away, in the dark, with our eyes closed in about 1 second? Over and over again ;-)

But I did get up and do my old, stand by, Richard Simmons Never Say Diet exercises. I've done them enough in the past that I don't have to look at the wacky pictures of Richard showing the exercises. It's also quick enough that I could feel like a I did something and still get a shower and get to work on time.

So ... I have tons of things on my "To Do List" for 2010 and I was thinking to myself this weekend, "What do I want to be when I grow up?" I mean ... I work, I'm trying to start a business, I volunteer, I serve in church, I want to get my craft mojo going again, and quite frankly, have about a 100 different other things that I'd like to do this year. So, I was having a conversation with God this weekend about that very thing and surmised during our time together that I really should be figuring out one or both of the two following scenarios ... 1) What He wants me to do and/or 2) What I was sent here to do.

I decided that was a really good idea, but didn't stick around to get any further direction on the subject. Really? Really. I'm not sure I'm ready to find out what I was really sent here to do or what He wants me to do because that knowledge will be more than I'm prepared to accept right now. Can't I just do what I want to do? Yes, I know that I've been questionably successful on the things that I want to do ("perfection paralysis" again), but the idea of doing what someone else wants me to do is um, frustrating at best and really darned annoying ... even if the One doing the telling is the all-powerful Creator of the Universe.

So I went about my merry little way ... and promptly got slapped in the face by what I was supposed to be doing. Now, I haven't figured it all out yet, so I'm keeping it myself. I've got to work through the concept that was presented and my unbelievably prideful and selfish nature that must be crushed to make it work. Ouch! It is going to be hard. I even told God in another conversation that I wasn't really happy with the information He shared. I don't think He saw it as that difficult. And, for at least a few days so far, He's made it a little easier to start.

The amazing thing is that I really believe if I do what He wants me to do, the mission I was sent here to do, the person He wants me to be, then I think I will have time to do more of the things that I want to do. Of course, I want it to happen really fast but I fear I'll be waiting a while.

Oh, and what's with the "great whales." I was reading Moses 2 and it just struck me that the only specifically called out animal on the 4th Day is great whales. Why would the Lord specifically call out only the whales. (Moses does mention winged fowl, creeping things and cattle later.) Well, I learned that it probably means something more. And when I think about the instruction I received from God about my role, I KNOW that it means something more.

I'm not aspiring to be a "great whale" ... I'm pretty close to that already anyway ;-) ... but I think I'm working to be called out for something great, in my own sphere of influence, once I humble myself enough to make it work.