It still hurts a bit. Not as bad as yesterday. I must have been having an anxiety attack ... not really sure because I've never really had one ... because my chest and face and mind was just on fire. I couldn't breath sometimes and I just wanted to punch someone in the face! I don't think it was a real heart attack, but it was scary.
I wanted to re-write my "Things To Do" for 2010 ... for I think the 3rd time, isn't it almost March? ... but I couldn't find the little book I had it written in. That's frustrating. And then I remembered that this happened to me once before ... about three or four months before I joined the church. I looked and looked for my Franklin planner (it was only Franklin then, Covey had just started) and I was going to do my mission, vision, whatever-the-heck-it-was stuff. I guess the Lord had some different ideas about what my mission and vision needed to be! Hmm, I wonder if He still has some different ideas from mine?
So, I brainstormed all the things that were running through my mind, the things I have to do, but don't have the time to do. It was interesting, in that heightened and confused state, that as I wrote, some of the items made my anxiety increase ... ah, those are the things that I really need to look at, change, eliminate? And then I realized that in some cases it wasn't eliminating them at all!
And it comes down to time ... the wasting, hoarding, and bestowing freely of time ... I realized this morning in my prayers that as God gives us another day, He is investing His time in us. We are His greatest treasures, so He allows us to get tarnished a bit by the world, like a fine piece of silver. Then He rubs us and shines us and polishes us. We can fight against it, but it's really useless. It will happen whether while sitting in a cupped hand by the maticulous rubbing of cloth within all our intricate features or burned off in a chemical bath.
So, now that I almost get it ... will I actually do something about it? My plan is to take my list and decide if I'm wasting, hoarding, or bestowing freely. I also made a huge sign that is sitting right by my desk at work, and I'm going to print some for home. But I'll talk about that tomorrow.
Oh, and just as a point of reference ... I don't clean silver! ;-)
I wanted to re-write my "Things To Do" for 2010 ... for I think the 3rd time, isn't it almost March? ... but I couldn't find the little book I had it written in. That's frustrating. And then I remembered that this happened to me once before ... about three or four months before I joined the church. I looked and looked for my Franklin planner (it was only Franklin then, Covey had just started) and I was going to do my mission, vision, whatever-the-heck-it-was stuff. I guess the Lord had some different ideas about what my mission and vision needed to be! Hmm, I wonder if He still has some different ideas from mine?
So, I brainstormed all the things that were running through my mind, the things I have to do, but don't have the time to do. It was interesting, in that heightened and confused state, that as I wrote, some of the items made my anxiety increase ... ah, those are the things that I really need to look at, change, eliminate? And then I realized that in some cases it wasn't eliminating them at all!
And it comes down to time ... the wasting, hoarding, and bestowing freely of time ... I realized this morning in my prayers that as God gives us another day, He is investing His time in us. We are His greatest treasures, so He allows us to get tarnished a bit by the world, like a fine piece of silver. Then He rubs us and shines us and polishes us. We can fight against it, but it's really useless. It will happen whether while sitting in a cupped hand by the maticulous rubbing of cloth within all our intricate features or burned off in a chemical bath.
So, now that I almost get it ... will I actually do something about it? My plan is to take my list and decide if I'm wasting, hoarding, or bestowing freely. I also made a huge sign that is sitting right by my desk at work, and I'm going to print some for home. But I'll talk about that tomorrow.
Oh, and just as a point of reference ... I don't clean silver! ;-)
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